Written by J.L. Clarke

It amazes me, the varied amounts of pain we humans can feel, how deep and personal and unknown betrayal can be, how we have the capability of hiding our inner turmoil so deep that not even those we once held dear can detect it.

I cannot explain the anxiety that comes with a sudden competition to keep something that no one should ever have to fear losing: things like love and security. Then there’s the further premonitions we get regarding our fears. And then our fears come true, and we find ourselves in exactly the position we somehow expected all along. What can we do when we have no choice but to accept fate? Most would find us paranoid, that we’re making waves out of ripples. But the pain goes beyond the space in our heads. It becomes something vaster than we, ourselves, could understand.

It was once said that we humans crave what is most forbidden. And what is more forbidden than those we once trusted turning us away? In a confusing twist, we find that those we once trusted are now playing hard to get. They don’t want us.

So what do we do when we find ourselves estranged? We try our damnedest to get noticed. To be accepted. But not a one knows. It is our own folly. Our own pain, not to be shared with those who inflict it. Or is the aching self-inflicted? Something we bring upon ourselves because we get comfortable with pain, and it comes as no surprise when joy is followed by a sting. One has to wonder, does bitterness sprout from hurt, or is it a quiet and resolute acceptance of what will simply be?

In the end we’ll raise a glass along with those who have alienated us, not allowing them in or letting them see our pain, but showing them that we are stronger than they would have guessed. We are braver than we would think. We are.

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