The Way Koreans Kept Intergender Distance

Written by Shin Sang-soon
(Originally appearing in the August 2009 issue of the Gwangju News.)

남녀칠세부동석
男女七歲不同席
“Males-females age-seven not-same-seat!”

“Reaching the age of seven, boys and girls are no longer to sit together.” This is a teaching of Confucius long adhered to in Korea. Based on this tenet, there arose a custom and a system that strictly regulated or prohibited contact between the sexes.

This was a kind of social rule, keeping a proper “intergender distance” (nae-oe beop, 내외법). Together with the so-called “way of the three obediences” (sam-jong-ji-do, 삼종지도, 三從之道), which require that a female obey her father before marriage, obey her husband after marriage, and obey her son after her husband’s death, the intergender-distance rule was a very effective unwritten social rule to restrict the freedom of women during the Joseon Dynasty. This intergender distance-keeping rule was in force even after the Kabo Reforms of 1894, which eliminated the class distinctions between yangban (양반, literati) and commoners, and thus allowed women to cast off their woman’s shawl (sseugae-chima, 쓰개치마) used to cover the head and upper body when going out, similar to the Muslim woman’s chador.

Intergender-Distance Rule: A Shackle for Korean Women
The current expression naeoe-handa (내외한다) simply means “observing the rules between the sexes.” Nae-oe refers to “man and woman,” signifying the concept of distinction between the sexes. This gender distinction was gradually and naturally formed from early childhood. When a son was born, he was laid on a table and made to play with jade toys, and when a daughter was born, she was left on the floor and made to play with roofing tiles. When they were growing up and called by senior people, the boy was to answer with a quick and snappy response, but the girl was to answer with a slow and soft response.

The content of their education was also different. At five, boys were to learn the numbers and four directions; at nine, they were taught the counting of days; and at ten, they were sent out to be taught by a teacher. But as for the girls of ten years of age, they were not to go out of the house but were to learn spinning, silkworm culture, needlework, clothes-making, ritual preparation, etc.

Gender distinction was clear in the house’s structure, as well. The inner building was meant for women and the outer building was the men’s quarters. Between the buildings was a middle gate, and except for special occasions, no man was allowed inside the gate. When walking in the street, men were to walk on the right side, women on the left. Inside the house, the clothes for the husband and wife were not to be mixed on the rack or wall shelf. The relatives with whom face-to-face meetings were allowed for females were only parents, siblings, parents-in-law, and paternal and maternal uncles and aunts.

Women had to restrict themselves as much as possible in going out of the house. The upper-class women of the Joseon Dynasty era made only a few outside-the-house excursions in their lifetime. On inevitable occasions, they had to cover their face with sseugae-chima or ride in a palanquin (enclosed sedan chair) carried by four men.

The most extreme gender distinction during the Joseon era was the prohibition of a widow to remarry. As for men, remarriage was not only possible after their wife had died, but they were allowed to keep concubines even when their wife was living. Not only that, the wife was not allowed to feel jealousy towards the concubines. Wives were bound by seven valid causes for divorce and jealousy was one of them. The other causes were non-obedience to parents-in-law, bearing no sons, lustfulness, contracting malignant disease, talkativeness, and stealing.

There were three occasions, however, when the wife was not to be divorced: when there was no place for the wife to go after divorce, when the wife had observed a three-year mourning period with her husband for his deceased parents, and when they had started their married life in poverty but later become affluent. If the husband violated this seven-causes rule, that is, if he divorced his wife in spite of his wife’s innocence, he was punished with one and a half years of imprisonment. If the wife was divorced in spite of adhering to one of the three exceptions to divorce, the husband was punished with a caning of 100-lashes and was made to live with his wife again. In cases where the wife contracted a malignant disease or committed adultery, this rule did not apply.

”The effects of this can still be witnessed today in restrained male–female interaction in comparison to that found in many Western societies.”

The commoner class, in general, followed the social customs set by the yangban class, and the commoner widow understood the prohibition against a widow remarrying, but society was somewhat lenient in this matter, allowing her to remarry. For the yangban widow, however, remarriage would deprive her sons of government posts. During the Joseon Dynasty, the denial of a government post meant the deprivation of yangban status.

Neo-Confucian rules held strict sway over interactions between male and female youth, husbands and wives, and indeed between all men and women during the Joseon Dynasty period in Korea. The effects of this can still be witnessed today in restrained male–female interaction in comparison to that found in many Western societies. Girls and boys often go to separate middle schools and high schools. And male and female students entering university often sit on opposite sides of the classroom.

Arranged by David Shaffer

The Author
Shin Sang-soon (1922–2011) was a longtime professor of English education at Chonnam National University. Though trained in linguistics, he was extremely astute in Korean history, traditions, and social interactions. After his retirement, he authored “The Korean Way” under the penname “2Ys,” a column in the Gwangju News that ran from 2002 to 2010. Prof. Shin was also a senior advisor to the Gwangju International Center.