Planning a Modern Korean Wedding

By Diane Dooley

The marriage ceremony is a significant aspect of nearly every culture, religion, generation, and society. Weddings are the ceremonies that mark an official or public declaration of a marriage between two people, but what these ceremonies involve can vary greatly by culture and religion. No matter what or how much is involved in a wedding ceremony, though, planning one is certainly not an easy task for the couple or their families.

With my own wedding set to take place at the end of this month here in Gwangju, in this article, I outline some of the steps involved in planning a modern Korean wedding and how they came to be from the perspective of a non-Korean bride planning a wedding in Korea.

The Korean Wedding: Old and “New”

In traditional Korean Confucianism, there is an importance placed on symbolic rituals and ceremonies. Historically, the most important of these were coming of age, marriage, mourning, and ancestral rites. The coming-of-age ceremony was abandoned during the early twentieth century while the others have undergone varying degrees of modernization over the last one-hundred years.

Jennifer Jung-Kim observes that modern Korean wedding ceremonies of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries were a “fusion of different cultures or practices that are both familiar and dissonant.” From the late ninetieth century, weddings in Korea began to incorporate forms of Christianity, Buddhism, and other “modern” wedding ceremonies. These were coined sinsik gyeolheon (new-style weddings) (Jung-Kim, 2008). Weddings also became highly commercialized affairs in line with the rise of consumerism in general during the colonial period.

These “new” weddings continued to adopt and adapt different practices during the twentieth century, and just as in the past, Korean weddings today not only reflect social change and trends but also the broader anxieties of the day. Korean weddings in 2024 have generally always involved a set number of specific steps and processes that have been adapted to contemporary situations.

Choosing a Wedding Venue

Traditionally, Korean weddings took place at the home of the bride and included a variety of ceremonies. However, the rapid urbanization of Korea made it impractical to have large gatherings at home due to the lack of space and the breakdown of rural communities (Jung-Kim, 2008). During the colonial period, common wedding venues were at home, in churches and Buddhist temples, in assembly halls, and upscale restaurants.

Today, the majority of weddings take place in large, multi-storey wedding halls. Wedding halls are often compared to factories due to the speed and efficiency by which the ceremonies unfold and the next begins – usually the next couple is waiting to enter while the previous ceremony is still in full swing! Wedding halls run several weddings simultaneously. If you walk into any wedding hall lobby, you will see a flurry of brides, grooms, and their entourages as they move from room to room, and guests shuffle in to deliver cash gifts, in envelopes to the families’ representatives, pick up wedding favors (usually gift sets), and then move to the venue’s buffet hall.

How do you choose a wedding hall? The first thing couples should consider is their budget. The commercialization of Korean weddings that began in the early twentieth century with the emergence of businesses providing bridal hair and makeup, wedding favors, photography, flowers, and honeymoon packages, has only continued to grow and grow with no signs of slowing down even in the middle of a global cost-of-living crisis.

Wedding halls typically offer a variety of packages. The cost of renting a wedding hall here in Gwangju for a one-hour ceremony, including a buffet meal for 150–200 guests, ranges from eight to ten million Korean won. Any extras you choose to add to your package can increase this range significantly. Possible extras include the bride’s wedding dress and the groom’s formal attire; hair and makeup for the bride and mothers of the bride and groom; a pre-wedding photo shoot; a second, more traditional pyebaek ceremony; a professional master of ceremonies, a professional singer to perform a congratulatory song, and professional photography and videography. These extras easily raise the average cost of a modern Korean wedding to anywhere between twenty and thirty million Korean won. It’s easy to see why brides and grooms across the country gather online in forums and group chats to discuss cost-saving tips!

However, there are many other venue options for a modern Korean wedding ceremony. In addition to dedicated wedding halls, there is a market for smaller weddings held in local cafes and outdoor venues (“house weddings”) such as hanok. As in the past, Buddhist temples and churches also remain options. However, some of these venues tend to have a smaller capacity for guests and be more expensive because they do not offer packages – catering, formal wedding attire, décor, and photography have to be arranged separately, which can be more expensive depending on the vendor. Korean weddings were traditionally communal celebrations with everyone in the couple’s community invited to join in the celebrations, even if they had no personal relationship to the family. Therefore, venues with a low capacity for guests are generally not preferred, particularly by the older generation. Every guest is considered an important part of the celebrations.

We primarily considered two things in selecting our venue: location (close to local transport hubs, large and stress-free parking for guests), and food (the provided buffet is known to be one of the best out of the many halls). Both of these things were for the convenience of ours guests.

This contrasts sharply with Western-style weddings. The majority of guests at a Korean wedding will likely be friends, colleagues, and distant relatives of the couple’s parents. It’s not uncommon for guests who do not know the couple, but know the family, to show up at the wedding hall, hand over their cash gift to the family’s representative, quickly eat at the buffet, and leave without seeing the bride or groom. This would be a lot more inconvenient at a smaller venue with a limited catering. With this in mind, it is easy to see the appeal of dedicated wedding halls. Wedding halls are more affordable and cater to the communal nature of the Korean wedding.

The increasing costs associated with weddings has been an ongoing topic of debate since the emergence of new-style weddings in the early twentieth century. Jung-Kim notes that the Government-General of Korea in 1936 tried to restrict wedding expenditures by issuing guidance that stipulated weddings should only take place at the bride’s home, shrine, temple, or church. The cost of Korean weddings was also frequently debated in newspapers. One writer for the magazine Yeoseong thought that there were too many people who had spent all their money on the wedding, so they did not have money to properly set up their household. These discussions reflect social anxieties over the cost of weddings during the colonial period; however, many of these anxieties are still present today.

Many couples in Korea cited the rise in wedding expenditure for either postponing their ceremonies or forgoing one entirely. Today, there are still some measures in place to reduce the financial burden of weddings – for example, there are many government-operated wedding halls that can be rented for a reduced cost. It costs thirty thousand won to rent the wedding hall at the Gwangju Metropolitan City’s Public Servant Training Institute (공무원교육원).

Pre-Wedding Studio Photography

One of the most important components of a Korean wedding doesn’t even happen during the ceremony! In a typical Korean wedding hall ceremony, there is very little time and few private locations to take professional photographs of the couple. So, most couples have a pre-wedding photo shoot at a large studio some time before their wedding ceremony. Competition between studios can be fierce, and Korean-style pre-wedding photo shoots have become a large tourist attraction in recent years, with couples flying in from across the globe to experience one of Korea’s popular pre-wedding studios.

Weddings halls usually provide pre-wedding photography as a standard part of their packages. This includes hair, makeup, a fixed number of outfits and a four-hour photo shoot at your choice of studio from a list provided by the wedding hall. Couples can then select a certain number of edited photos to receive as digital copies and/or prints, and to be included in a photo album. Generally, studios provide a certain number of photos as a part of the package, but if you want to receive more – you guessed it! – it costs extra. This could set you back ten to twenty thousand Korean won per unedited photo and even more for an edited photo. The same goes for extra pages in your album or a “premium” frame for the printed photos. The photos are later used in wedding invitation galleries and the prints and photo album will be on display before the wedding ceremony for guests to browse through.

These days, many couples are choosing to do things a little differently. My husband hired an excellent local photographer, we went to Jeonju’s Hanok Village, borrowed hanboks for twenty thousand Korean won, and had a fantastic day together without the pressure of studio lights and a large team fussing over us!

Wedding Invitations

The pre-wedding studio photo shoot serves several different functions. The studio provides professional photographs and an album to use as decoration at the wedding venue. The photographs are also keepsakes for the bride and groom and their families as the number of photos that can be taken during the ceremony itself is limited by time constraints.  Interestingly, the most popular form of wedding invitation in Korea is electronic. Companies that make the standard paper wedding invitations usually provide a mobile wedding invitation as well.

The mobile wedding invitation is a link to a webpage providing all of the necessary details: date, time, location, the bride and groom’s bank account details as well as their parents’ bank account details, and a gallery of photographs of the couple. While wedding webpages are becoming more popular in many Western countries, paper invites that include pre-addressed RSVPs are still the preferred type of invitation of both couples and guests, especially older generations. The buffet-style meal provided for guests at the majority of Korean wedding halls renders RSVPs unnecessary; guests receive the invitation and it is assumed they will either show up or at least send a cash gift equal to or a little bit more than the cost of entry to the buffet hall – roughly fifty thousand Korean won.

The Order of Ceremonies

What exactly happens at a Korean wedding ceremony? The first ceremony in a Korean wedding is the “main” ceremony and, on the surface, looks similar to Western-style weddings. Brides wear white wedding dresses with veils and carry bouquets, and grooms typically wear a black suit or tuxedo. Weddings halls are decorated with flowers and many draw inspiration from European churches. There is usually a high walkway running down the center of the hall for an aisle that is surrounded by round tables for guests, leading to a stage area at the front. During the early colonial period, pictures show that brides wore white hanbok with veils and that white wedding dresses came a little later.

New-style wedding ceremonies in colonial Korea followed a similar format whether they were secular, Christian, or Buddhist. Today, this order of ceremonies remains almost entirely unchanged. Today, it’s common for the couples to write the script for their own ceremony based on this established order of ceremonies.

To start, there is music and opening remarks from either an officiant or the master of ceremonies, the introduction of the bride and groom and their parents, the bride and groom face each other and bow, the bride and groom’s vows, the reading of congratulatory messages or a congratulatory song or both, the bride and groom bow to their guests, and closing remarks. A Christian wedding will include prayer and reading Bible passages, and a Buddhist wedding includes lighting of incense, but traditional Korean elements usually remain, such as the bride and groom bowing to their parents and guests.

However, despite their short length and established structure, the modern Korean wedding ceremony does allow for a surprising amount of creative input from the couple, such as bride and groom dance routines or grooms who choose to do push-ups to demonstrate their commitment to their bride instead of the traditional bow!

There are no traditional Korean vows as in Christian ceremonies in Western countries; couples have almost complete creative freedom with how to craft their vows. This was a highly praised addition to the Korean wedding in the early twentieth century; prior to this, the bride and groom were largely silent.

In Korea, the bride and groom usually face their guests as they make their vows – they are making promises to each other with their community as witnesses. In recent years, the trend has been to make these vows entertaining. Remember, many guests will likely have no personal relationship with neither the bride nor groom, so will be unhappy to sit through a long history of the relationship or anecdotes that only the couple understand. Similarly, many couples may feel uncomfortable about the prospect of pouring their heart out in front of strangers. Instead, many recite a short list of specific promises to each other, and try to make it a little bit entertaining, often while providing insight into their partner’s quirks or hobbies to people who may not have met them before the wedding. An example would be:

“To my husband who loves to travel,

I promise to take him on holiday abroad once a year.

To my wife who hates throwing out the food waste,

I promise to take responsibility for this. However, the food she makes is so delicious, I doubt there will be any food waste to throw out!”

Prior to the rise of this trend, vows were simpler, such as “I promise to be a wise and kind wife.”

After the vows, it’s time for the Declaration of Marriage (Seong-hun Seong-eon, 성훈성언). Unlike in many Western countries, you don’t need a license to officiate a wedding in Korea. In fact, many Korean weddings do not feature an officiant at all! Previously, couples would choose a prominent figure from their community, such as a professor to the family or, if they have a religious affiliation, a prominent figure from their religious community. In recent years, it’s become more common for one of the couple’s parents, or another elder from their extended family, to read an abridged Declaration of Marriage while providing general relationship or life advice to the couple.

The couple will then bow once to each set of parents to express their gratitude for raising them and their spouse. This has remained a key part of Korean wedding ceremonies regardless of their hybridity since the early colonial period. Then, the couple bow to their guests and leave the main stage area to a final round of applause. Finally, large commemorative group photos are taken with the couple and their friends and families. A quick change of clothes into something more comfortable – or, more commonly, a hanbok, and everyone shuffles into the banquet hall for a large meal.

Old Meets New: The Pyebaek Ceremony

A second, traditional Korean ceremony is optional. This ceremony is known as pyebaek. Generally, wedding halls only recommend doing this ceremony in one of two situations: the family of either the bride or groom is very traditional, or either the bride or groom is not Korean and would like a traditional Korean experience. This is due to the time constraints –pyebaek is included in the one-hour wedding hall rental slot.

Pyebaek is a modern translation of the final rites of the old Confucian wedding. Historically, it was a ritual where the groom’s family formally accepted the bride into their home. The bride paid her respects to the groom’s parents and relatives by bowing deeply and pouring alcohol for the elders in the family. Now, this all takes place in a separate room at the wedding venue. Family members, starting with the groom’s parents, followed by the bride’s parents, and then on to more distant relatives take turns sitting in front of a table that is covered in various traditional dishes, teas, and alcohol to receive a bow from the couple. After they receive their bow, they often give the couple words of wisdom or a simple congratulation, as well as cash gifts. The parents will throw dates and chestnuts, which the bride and groom will attempt to catch with the bride’s clothing. The number of dates and chestnuts caught is said to foretell how many boys and girls, respectively, the couple will bear. Finally, as a public display of strength, the groom carries his new wife around the pyebaek table on his back, followed by his mother-in-law and then his own mother.

We have chosen to opt into the pyebaek ceremony on our wedding day, primarily for the cultural experience, although we may have to skip the last part!

The pyebaek ceremony is often considered an extra to the standard wedding package – several thousand Korean won extra for the traditional hanbok outfits, and even more still for the food, teas, and alcohol. Photographers and videographers will also consider covering this ceremony as an extra service and charge accordingly. This is just one of the many reasons couples now choose to skip the pyebaek ceremony entirely, change into a second dress and tuxedo combination, and go directly to the buffet hall to mingle with their guests.

The declining popularity of the pyebaek ceremony was evident in every wedding hall we visited – the rooms looked slightly neglected and are being used as a makeshift changing room for the wedding party. One of the reasons we chose our wedding hall was its vibrant and well-maintained pyebaek room.

Prioritize What Matters

As emotional and anxious as brides and grooms can get about every choice they make when planning their wedding, which will only be heightened when planning a wedding in a country other than the one that one was born and grew up in, very few of those decisions are worth the stress. I would argue that the only decision you need to spend any time worrying about is who you are marrying!

References

Jung-Kim, J. (2008). The new woman and new-style weddings in colonial Korea. The Review of Korean Studies, 11(4), 15–40.

Montgomery, C. (2008). Korean weddings: Then and now. Education About Asia, 13(1), 42–43.