An Unfinished Dream
By Nahida Islam
Ah, finally… the first step to the dream that she has been seeing with her eyes open since 2016. Incheon Airport is right in front of her. The staircase is being set slowly before her, but her heart is beating fast. She feels like pinching herself. Is it for real or a dream?
She never got the chance to travel to any other country, not even for basic tourism. This is also her first trip by air. The fear, the nervousness, and the uncertainty are all mixed up in her heart and consuming her mind. She cannot think straight.
She is the eldest of three, with two younger brothers. When she told her parents that she wanted to pursue her education in South Korea, they were in denial. The culture of Bangladesh also does not allow a woman to go abroad alone or without marriage. Society will tell you to marry a man, and if he allows it, then you can even go to hell.
As though it were destiny, her parents gave into her strong will and continuous persuasion.
In 2022, she got admitted to Chonnam National University in Gwangju. She found herself a professor and would work at his lab. There she would complete a doctorate degree and become a faculty member back in Bangladesh, a fool-proof plan.
During this time, she would learn Korean culture, which she has been fond of. She has been a fan of K-pop and K-dramas since 2016. It is one of the reasons she has wanted to pursue her higher studies in South Korea. It is a funny and childish fact, is it not? But she is only 27 now, so it is okay to be a little childish.
When her departure time was drawing near, she felt like she had a stone in her heart. She never thought it would hurt so much. Her parents and brothers were cheering her up all the time and preparing her for the different experiences to come. But she could feel the sadness in their eyes.
The night before the flight, her mother came to her room with teary eyes. Her mother said, “You are going to a new country; everything will be different, and you will be on your own. Your family won’t be with you. Will the people around you understand you? Can you manage everything? Promise me you will take care of yourself.”
I replied, “Don’t worry, Mom, I will manage everything. I am not going there permanently – just a few years – then we will all live together. And I will be with you all the time. I promise, I will take care of myself.”
In a flash, one month passed.
She does not know how the time could pass by so quickly. Every day is busy. Did she keep her promise? She tells her mother on the phone that she is eating, sleeping, and enjoying her life every day – that there is no problem at all – with a happy face. Is it true? Maybe partially. She skips her meals quite often, not being used to Korean food, and cannot cook all the time. Stress, the pressure of her new life, lab work, and coursework turn out to be reasons for her deprived sleep.
Everybody says that the problem is with her, as others manage everything while she cannot. Still, she pushes herself to get accustomed with her surroundings.
As all the fingers of a hand are not the same, can every person be? [IW2]
As all the fingers of a hand are not the same, can every person be?
Everything is a bit excessive for her. She cannot express her struggle and sorrow to anybody. She is suffering alone, and the suffering is increasing day by day. She starts to feel like nobody is there for her. She is all alone. She wishes her family were by her side, but thousands of miles are keeping them apart.
All the exhaustion turns into a sickness. She starts to get ill frequently. As it gets worse, she goes to a hospital. Her life turns upside down. She cannot even think what awaits her.
Doctors declare that she has aplastic anemia, a kind of blood cancer. Maybe she has had this terminal disease for a long time, maybe she just got it, or maybe… she does not even bother to ask.
All she feels is emptiness with a few questions: “Should I cry or call someone? Whom should I call? Should I ask God ‘Why me?’ or is everything a bad dream? Dreams – I have lots of dreams. What about them? What about the promise I made to Mom?”
She starts to meet new people, opening up to her community. It is late; maybe too late.
From that day onward, her life changes. Treatment starts, and the hospital becomes her home. Those around her help, but they have their own work to do, so they cannot help enough.
Her parents ask for their daughter to be sent back to Bangladesh, as they cannot come to South Korea.
It is a long, lonely, hurtful, year-long journey. Her parents give up everything for the treatment. She wishes every day to have one more day with her family.
She is getting better.
One day, she calls one student at her university, asking him to find another lab for her. She wants to finish the dream she dreamt.
But destiny has a different plan for her. Maybe not everybody is supposed to complete their dreams, just like her.
One beautiful, sunny morning, when everyone is busy thinking how to fulfill their dreams and work aims, she leaves behind her unfinished dream.
The Author
Nahida Islam is a PhD student at Chonnam National University in Gwangju. She is an introvert who always dreams of a world full of love and care. She does not think about achievement and cherishes the way to any destination. A country girl from Bangladesh, she should not be here, but she is.