Together Wherever: Couples in Gwangju
By Andrea Galvez
Eating lunch at my desk in a Chicago office building, I find the blog of a couple who had left their Silicon Valley jobs to take a year long round the world trip (RTW). At the time Jason Demant and his girlfriend Sharon were living in Busan, considering teaching English. Six months later, my husband and I broke our lease, quit our jobs, and signed contracts to teach English in Korea. Together.
Although the majority of new teachers landing at Incheon are unattached, Korea isn’t a singles party anymore. Couples are finding the adventurous life appealing and financially smart. Shared living expenses, paid housing and two salaries allow couples teaching in Korea to amass savings or pay off debt. Alternatively, some are taking advantage of the financials to allow one partner to chase an individual passion while the other teaches.
‘Say Kimchi Recruiting’ owner Lindsay Nash and her husband, an English teacher in Gwangju, have been in Korea for four years. After teaching for two years in a public elementary school, Nash started the recruiting business while her husband continues to teach.
Nash says, “My husband and I love being able to share the Korean experience. We loved working together at a local elementary school for two years, but we also love doing our own things now. The laid-back schedule in Korea allows us to spend a lot of time with our baby son as well, which we know we would not get back home.”
Following their RTW, Demant and his girlfriend got married and returned to Korea, where she is now teaching. With his wife’s contract providing housing and a salary to live on, Demant has time to develop his online travel itinerary start-up business.
“The primary reason we’re [in Korea] is so that I can work on building my company, ‘Unanchor.com.’ In California we could never support ourselves on a single teacher’s salary. While we’ve used a little bit of savings, we’re mostly living off of Sharon’s salary,” said Demant.
Not all couples come to Korea to start a business. Some make the move to have an adventure together, but spending every moment together at home and at work comes with its own set of difficulties.
Amanda Straub and her boyfriend Scott Dubiel moved to Korea in March. Straub admits, “The hardest part of living and working together is creating personal space. You work together. Eat together. Sleep together. Play together. All your time is together. It’s not easy but is undoubtedly making a more loving and stronger relationship.”
Some unmarried couples find Korean culture less accepting than those of their western homelands.
Christina Riley and Carl Hedinger dated in college before signing contracts to live and work together in Gwangju. Riley reports that while some people didn’t mind, it can be different at work. She and Carl were asked not to tell students they’re a couple. They were even asked to deny any relationship rather than admit they were together but not married.
“We never quite understood why we were being asked to lie about our relationship, but we refused. We ended up compromising with not announcing we were a couple, but we were not going to lie when asked,” Riley said.
Foreign couples that are married have to fight the Korean expectation to have children immediately after tying the knot. Local friends and strangers unabashedly inquire whether a couple has children, and if not, when they plan to start a family.
“Koreans could never understand why we didn’t have kids… Koreans always like to hear about love, as opposed to feeling pressured into getting married before they are 30 and having kids immediately after they get married. There were always ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’, but unfortunately followed by, ‘Do you have any kids?’” longtime Gwangju resident Steve McNally said.
Despite the obvious and unexpected stresses on a couple living abroad, each year more married couples start the paperwork to become English teachers in Korea. Those already living here encourage them – and anyone else who wants an adventure – to join us.
“The experience is certainly different for couples, as you don’t have to find new friends to survive or have a good time. Whereas being single, it could be lonely, although I find there is always someone wanting to go out. I think the foreign and Korean communities in Gwangju are extremely friendly and welcoming whether you are single or a couple,” McNally said.
More and more English schools and academies are offering ‘couple’ positions, causing more partners to take the risk and give up their day jobs back home. Streaming through customs in order to live an experience together, paired-up Gwangju expats are taking on the challenges and rewards of life in Korea. Together.
A previous version of this article was published
in the November 2011 print edition of Gwangju News.