Mask Envy

Review by William Urbanski.

For many years, I thought this whole idea of wearing disposable masks to protect against germs or air pollution was silly. Recently, however, due to a set of unforeseen circumstances, including an injury to my countenance, I was forced to accept that donning a mask for a few weeks was in my best interest.

During this time, I noticed a strange phenomenon: A lot of the kids I taught had masks that looked better and were more stylish than mine. This case of “mask envy” not only made me realize I should stop comparing my accessory choices to those of ten-year-olds but also got me wondering about the intrinsic differences between masks. So, over a couple of weeks, I tried out a number of disposable masks and compared them across four metrics
in an effort to answer the age-old question: Are all masks created equal?

The Ninja Mask
At the low, low price of nine for 2,000 won, these black masks were overall not bad, but the place where the mask met the elastic ear bands was not fused together very smoothly. This very small area stuck out and rubbed
my face in the exact spot where I had just gotten stitches removed. What I ended up having to do was to glue a piece of cotton on the inside, which greatly improved the comfort but was still a bit of an inconvenience. One
might even say I traded a pain in the face for a pain in the neck.
Pros: Great price, ninja-inspired style.
Con: Rubs against face

The Big Grey
Playing right into the hands of coronavirus paranoia, I decided to break out the heavy-duty gear. This tank of a mask would stop any germ that was not attached to a bullet, though just barely.
Pros: Best build quality, tight fit.
Cons: Condensation builds up, not ideal for jobs that require talking, kind of expensive.

Kitchen Towel with Elastic Bands
Tired of paying outrageous pharmacy prices and imbued with the DIY spirit, I decided to take matters into my own hands. All it took to put this bad boy together was a few common household items and 30 seconds of my time. The fit was surprisingly snug, and I feel that with a little work and design innovations involving a pair of scissors, it could be extremely comfortable. The other advantage of making your own mask is that you could draw cool pictures on it. Also, if you were going somewhere really
crowded, you could add a few more layers of paper towels to keep yourself safe, I suppose.
Pros: Rock-bottom price, fully customizable.
Con: Makes wife question decision to marry a foreigner

The Great White
At eleven masks for 2,500 won, this was a low-cost leader and probably my favorite. It had three plies and ear bands that were comfortably fused into place. Not unlike an accordion, this mask could be spread out vertically to
cover more or less of the face. Breathability was a huge plus for the Great White, and it was the only one I felt comfortable wearing to the gym and working out in. And of course, wearing it all day at work was no problem with absolutely no condensation build up.
Pros: Fantastic price, good build quality, and lightweight.
Cons: Does not create a “seal” around your maw like some of the high-end masks; the color white is just so 2019.

The NW94
This is the granddaddy of them all and a status symbol of the bourgeoisie. The ultimate in luxury, it is highly coveted and can sometimes be hard to find. Apparently, these are so popular that unscrupulous hustlers have
actually been making imitations and selling them on the black market. Now, normally I would never drop my hard-earned coin on a product so blatantly designed and marketed to perpetuate conspicuous consumption, but it just so happened that my wife, who works in nursing education, was gifted a few. Compared to the other masks, this had a much sturdier feel but without the thickness of the Big Grey. The closest thing I would compare the shape to is the oxygen mask that drops down when a plane loses cabin pressure. And, to be fair, the sense of urgency one would experience while putting on an oxygen mask is probably the emotional response that the manufacturers were trying to trigger in desperate, coronavirus-fearing
consumers. This was not the most comfortable mask, mainly due to the bulging-out shape that resembled some kind of dog muzzle. While not heavy per se, it lacked the lightweight feel of the Great White and the tight fit came with the trade off of not being adjustable along the y-axis.
Pro: Gives others mask envy.
Con: Four-thousand won a pop

So which mask is best? To answer this, consider the following idea: quality is not an all-or-nothing proposition. People too often get fixated on getting
something of the highest quality because they are special little snowflakes whose needs are so particular that they require nothing but the best. The problem with going for “top quality” products is that once something meets a reasonable standard, incremental improvements that make a product one or two percent better actually do not really change jack squat but certainly boost up the price.
The NW94 is good, but keep in mind that it is more than 20 times as expensive as other masks that do pretty much the same thing. Is the NW94 twenty times better than the Ninja Mask or the Great White? Not by a long shot. The point I am trying to make here is that while people may think that they deserve premium quality, what they really need is something of appropriate quality. So, the Great White gets my vote as the best of the bunch. Also, while a person may be tempted to reuse an expensive mask many times, the Great White also has the advantage of being disposable without a second thought, which from my understanding, is how these things are supposed to be used anyway.

There is a lot of mask hype and mask fear-mongering going on lately. Certain keyboard warriors who hold advanced Googleology degrees from Facebook University would have you believe that certain types of masks (read: the most expensive ones) are the only ones that actually protect against germs and that simple and cheap masks are ineffective. Such blithering and unsubstantiated notions have zero basis in scientific fact
or reality. It is up to you, as responsible and productive members of society, to cut through the ubiquitous mask misinformation and have the audacity to dream of a world where all those who wear masks, regardless of price and perceived quality, are treated as equals.

THE AUTHOR

William Urbanski, managing editor of the Gwangju News, has an MA in
international relations and cultural diplomacy. His preferred appelative is
not bro. Instagram: @will_il_gatto.